Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Why I Write (updated)

A while ago I waxed philosophical and autobiographical on why I've chosen to be a writer. Something about solitude and community, I think, and something else about the relationship between creativity and economic reality. All quite valid for when I wrote it, I'm sure, and it will no doubt all seem relevant again. But now I'm going to tell you why I'm a writer today.
     The oven light went out. It's a new oven, and I was annoyed that the light died so quickly. So I went to fix it but, probably because I was annoyed, I jerked the glass cover off the bulb instead of detaching it gently—the result being that the light bulb snapped off at the base. So now an extremely simple bulb change was turning into a chore, which had me more annoyed, at the bulb, at Frigidaire, but mostly at me. I've done this plenty of times before, though, taking a broken light bulb out of a socket by turning the glass rod in the middle. I shut off the electricity, gripped the rod, and turned. Except this time it snapped off in my hand. Probably because I was so annoyed.
     So I went to my next recourse, which I've also succeeded at several times over the years: twisting the bulb out of the socket by grabbing the edge of the metal base with a pair of pliers. I grabbed. I twisted. A sliver of metal tore off. I grabbed elsewhere, twisted again. It tore again. 
     The base was frozen into the socket, and gripping little bits of brass with the tip of my needle-nose pliers was getting me nowhere. Clearly what I needed to do was hold more of the base with a bigger pair of pliers. So I got a flat-head screwdriver, jammed it between the base and the socket, and bent it inward. Then I grabbed a whole hunk of brass with my vice-grip pliers and twisted with all my might. The ceramic ring holding the socket against the back of the oven shattered.
     I saw the good side to that, though: now I might be able to pull the socket through the hole toward me and get a better grip on the whole thing. So I brought the pliers up against the edge one more time—and the socket dropped behind the back wall of the oven. Now it's sitting in there, an open electrical socket leaning against a metal wall, useless and dangerous and unreachable without taking the whole appliance apart. So I can't use my oven until Friday when the repairman comes and charges me a fortune to get me right back to where I was this morning, ready to replace a 69¢ bulb.
    There have been many reasons in my life to make a career of writing: some practical, some daring, some wise, and some reckless. Today I write because I can't fucking do anything else.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Naked Men and the Scientific Utopia

This is the last excerpt I'll be blogging from the rough draft of The Undressing of America, because it's time to forget everything else except getting the thing done and onto the shelves.  

The muscle-building movement that swept up Bernard McFadden in the 1880s poured largely from a surge of Prussian nationalism seven decades before. Humiliated by Napoleon’s armies and wanting to regain their momentum as the rising power of central Europe, Prussia’s leaders embraced a system of physical education for their upper-class schools, their gymnasia, a rigorous individual development of muscles and agility that they called Turnverein but that the English-speaking world would come to call gymnastics.
       It was a more mythological than practical gesture, for just as the practice of combat was being taken from the nobility and mercenaries and assigned to masses of conscripted commoners, as industry replaced human physical labor, as men’s lives grew steadily more room-bound and sedentary, the nation gave itself to the creation of an ideal citizen modeled on the warriors of classical Greece. But the ideal rang deeply in the hearts of the European, and soon physical fitness became part of the education of every young man of the dominant classes.
       By mid-century the interest in building muscles had spread to men of the middle class, although in a far more individualized and less romantic form. Strength was a way to press back against the unhealthiness of industrial life and a compensation for the obscurity and impotence of the new urban society. But as ever, the alternative to industrialization followed industrial logic itself: repetitive motion, rigid control, valorized tedium, the mastery of physical power through planning and discipline. Weight training became especially popular in England, the most industrialized and urbanized of nations. Soon after, it jumped to America, where it took on a particular edge of competitive individualism, as well as a romantic primitivism, as images of Indian braves with naked torsos and the strong men of a pre-mechanical democracy—the village smithy with arms like iron bands—still stood for perfect manhood in the national imagination.
       Mass print carried the new fascination from nation to nation and from city to small town to farmhouse. Books and pamphlets on self-improvement had become a mainstay of cheap publishing, as the culture of progress, competition, and the conquest of nature stirred vast numbers of young men to lift themselves by their mental, professional, and physical bootstraps. Fitness books enabled them to become men of robust power like the heroes of the popular novels on sale at the same newsstands. Improvements in the cheap reproduction of artwork in the final few decades of the century served physical fitness instruction especially well by enabling positions and exercises to be clearly demonstrated. By the end of the 1880s authors were promoting competing fitness systems and selling their own dumbbells and Indian clubs from ads in the backs of their books.
       Then Prussia once again brought a new twist to the relationship of man and his muscles. The boy was born just a year before Bernard McFadden, although not in a land laid low by civil war but in an ascendant nation just uniting Germany and poised to avenge itself on France; to grow up in Prussia in the 1870s and 1880s was to grow up believing that the world was one’s future spoils. Like McFadden, he discovered weight training early and made it the great passion of his life. His dedication was so great that by his early twenties he was touring international stages as a strong man, whereupon he abandoned the name Friedrich Müller—as common a name as a German could have—and billed himself, with an echo of Polish exoticism, as Eugen Sandow. (The fallen kingdom of Poland embodied a lost nobility in the imaginations of men on the eastern edge of the German Empire then; a young scholar named Friedrich Nietzsche, also consumed with visions of the superior man, made spurious claims to Polish descent.)
       Strong-man exhibitions were popular enough all over Europe, but by the late 1880s they’d become especially popular in England. Sandow stood out among them all: he broke chains and bent metal rods with the best of them, but most compelling about him was his sculptural perfection. Sandow more than any of his predecessors cared about the appearance of his naked body, and his particular system of weight lifting and resistance training created sharply delineated muscles of a sort that men concerned only with power could not provide. The crowds cheered when he swelled his chest and sent a snapped chain flying; but, as clever promoters would observe, they gasped when he flexed his arms. The previous champion strong man of England—whom Sandow defeated in the public competition that made him famous—called himself Charles Sampson and sought to evoke a Biblical awe. Sandow was immediately compared by the popular press to Greek and Roman statues.
       Yet what Sandow pioneered—what soon came to be called “body building”—was far less a return to Classical aesthetics than a new and very modern vision of the human body. Old-style strong men played carnival side shows; Sandow commanded music-hall stages. Admiration for Sandow was not admiration for native strength but for the work he had brought to making himself a new kind of man. He provided a new dream of perfectibility, of complete reform of the individual body, that resonated with the utopian aspirations then ascendant in the West. But he also promised the mass replicability of that perfection, because everyone in his audience knew that he was no freak of nature but a normal man who had found the way to make himself like that. Sandow promised that with scientific logic and discipline we could all become perfect.
       Such was Sandow’s international reputation that in early 1893 one of New York’s most successful opera and musical theater impressarios, Maurice Grau, brought him across the Atlantic to serve as the crowd-pleasing finale to a very slightly risqué comedy called Adonis; after the final scene, the curtain reopened to reveal Sandow striking poses to show off his contours, then performing feats of strength. Almost immediately, however, the star was stolen by a sharper and younger promoter, a German-American Sandow’s own age, named Florenz Ziegfeld.
        Ziegfeld saw in Sandow what no one else had, because he stood, like so many young Americans, between two worlds. His family in Friesland had been affluent and cultured; his father moved to Chicago to found a music school. Young Flo, however, was of a racy new generation, young men who came of age in swelling American affluence and under the ever-brighter lights of the booming cities. He repeatedly dropped out of school and clashed with his parents, preferring clothes, girls, and gambling to the sedate world of the respectable bourgeoisie. He understood the duality of American taste, its young love of sensation and its nervous pursuit of the “high class,” and he saw how perfectly Eugen Sandow bridged that split. Flo Ziegfeld knew that people liked to look at naked flesh and exceptional bodies. And he knew that the way that the way to ease the self-consciousness of the better class of customer enough that he or she would pay to see it—and the way to quiet the censors—was by dressing that flesh in high-minded artistry.
        He brought Sandow back to Chicago to feature him at the Columbian Exposition, where together they developed a new presentation: living man as classical statue. Sandow dusted his skin with white powder and, clad only in a loincloth, struck the poses of the Discus Thrower, David, Hercules, and others that the crowds would recognize from books and illustrated postcards. Carefully placed spotlights, blacking out while Sandow changed position and clicking back on from new angles, gave him a glow of unreality. When Sandow lifted great weights he did so in static tableaux.
       Then Ziegfeld played his trump: he invited Chicago’s most prominent society ladies and promised that anyone who gave two hundred dollars to charity would be granted a back-stage audience with the great man himself, including a chance to feel his mighty arms. On opening night he snagged the wife of George Pullman, king of railroad sleeping cars and founder of a planned, utopian town bearing his name. Sandow the Magnificent became an instant sensation.
      Sandow wasn’t the only performer at the Chicago fair to bring in huge crowds by exhibiting his body, but he was the one who seemed to dodge the criticism of the defenders of decency. Other attractions on the Midway—most famously Little Egypt, the “hoochie-coochie” dancer—were assailed by church and civic groups and occasionally shut down by the police. Among those who attacked such exhibits most vigorously was Anthony Comstock. After twenty years as the dominant censor in America and then at the zenith of his power, Comstock had been broadening his sights beyond the obscene publications that he had largely driven underground to include larger cultural targets: theaters, art galleries, and world’s fairs. But Sandow he seems never to have remarked on. The ethnographical interest of Little Egypt may not have been enough to deflect his ire, but Sandow’s commitment to health and art apparently was, at least for the moment.
       Bernard McFadden was aware of none of this as he filed into the dimly lit theater and saw the first spotlights go on. He thought nothing about cultural changes or moral battles. He was aware only of the breathtaking sight of Sandow the Magnificent—and of the endless line of people still behind him beyond the theater doors, every one of them eager to lay down his money for a glimpse.


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Sonny Rollins, the Bridge, and Me

When he was twenty-eight years old and rocketing to the peak of his fame as a jazz saxophonist, Theodore "Sonny" Rollins decided to take a break. "I felt I needed to brush up on various aspects of my craft. I felt I was getting too much, too soon, so I said, wait a minute, I'm going to do it my way. I wasn't going to let people push me out there, so I could fall down. I wanted to get myself together, on my own." For three years he didn't record or play publicly. For three years he just practiced.
     At first he practiced at home, but out of consideration for a neighbor with a baby, he decided to lug his axe instead to the nearest public space and practice there. So was created one of the great romantic images of American music: a lone genius playing to the night on the Williamsburg Bridge.
     When Rollins returned to performing, his work was not as dramatically different as his followers either hoped or dreaded it would be. For a while in live performances he teamed up with some of the architects of the new "free jazz" sound and ventured a ways into new territory, but in the studio he stayed pretty steadily on the hard-bop road that he already knew. He went deeper, though. He made it more his own. He pushed the edges, and he wouldn't stop pushing them for decades to come.
     Now, there are a lot differences between Sonny Rollins and me. For one, I don't play the saxophone. For two, I'm not a genius. And for three, I didn't choose my years-long hiatus from my primary work; it just happened to me. (Okay, and I'm not twenty-eight, either. Fine.)
     Still, I turn to him often for inspiration and reassurance. Because I sold a book idea in 2006 that I thought I would finish within two years, and here I am six years later just pulling together the first polished draft. And there are so many nights when I look back and ask myself what I lost and what I gained in all that time.
     I hasten to say that I haven't been idle. In those years I was hired to write two screenplays adapting my own earlier work, a web comic and graphic novel for a lobbying group, and a series of ten kids' books based on a Japanese comic book. I've created and taught several terms of a class at the San Francisco Writers' Grotto on "Finding Your Story," which is evolving into a book of its own. I reunited with my collaborator from my salad days, Will Jacobs, to write a series of short stories that became another series of short stories that became a book that we'll be bringing out sooner or later. There's been a lot going on other than professional work, too: my son's years-long health issues, massive upheavals in my private life, and a transformative journey into twelve-step recovery (no, not substance addiction—I'll fill you in in another blog).
     Some of those were tasks I honestly had to do; some of them, I must confess, were just to avoid writing the book I was supposed to be writing. That book revealed itself, for one thing, as a far more complex project than I ever anticipated. At one point I had to throw it all away and reconceive it because someone else surprised me with a too-similar book. Then the research for the next conception turned out to be nearly impossible because seemingly no one thought to preserve the periodicals I planned to write about. Then I trashed it and reconceived it again, partly because of that research problem but also because I just came up with a way better idea.
     But apart from all that, there were times I just couldn't write it. The fall-back description of the phenomenon is "writer's block," but I don't believe it was anything so monolithic. It was, at times, an inarticulable awareness that I didn't yet have the idea worked out right, and at others an inchoate admission that I hadn't yet brought my chops up to the point that I could pull it off. Sometimes, too, it was what Sonny said: I was taking on too much too soon and I didn't want to let publication schedules push me out there so I could fail. I had to get myself together on my own. Just that Sonny caught on to that quickly and made a decision, where I had to rely on my unconscious—dependably much smarter than my conscious—to drag me there.
     In the end, I am here, where I am. The book will be finished, then it will be edited, then finished again, then published. It won't be as powerful, I'm afraid, as The Bridge, Rollins's comeback album. But it will be who I am now, not who I was when I laid down Men of Tomorrow and cooked up this follow-up idea. It will be me after multiple reconsiderations of the idea and myself, after herculean (or sisyphean) parenting labors, after several competing projects and a few alchemical relationships and twelve tall steps. I don't know if I'll be glad of those four or five years of unexpected delay, but I know I'll see the results of them. I'm curious to learn who I am when I come back from my own long nights on the bridge.